My Struggle With Weight
Like many women, I have been dieting on and off for more than 30 years, and it has been exhausting!
I reached my lowest weight of 113 when I swam competitively in high school and did not consume enough calories for my level of sports activity. Yet there was a deeper reason for my becoming so dangerously thin—my living environment had not been safe. In childhood, punishments were
handed out at the end of a leather belt, and worse, molestation was allowed to occur.
Ashamed of and disconnected from my body in a multitude of ways, I was so unhappy that
I tried to disappear off the face of the planet by slowly starving myself.
I gained the most weight during my 4 years of college and reached my highest weight of 155 pounds. To escape my life, I filled myself by binge drinking and eating whenever and whatever I wanted (oftentimes indulging in Captain Crunch cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner).
Come graduation time, I was still unhappy and unprepared to handle the stresses of the real world.
Initially, I chose to follow a traditional corporate America career path. Yet after 10 years of only filling up my bank account, I became a pastry chef, so I could be surrounded by sweetness and feed
those parts of my body and spirit that were unfulfilled and starving for love, attention, and kindness. However, this new road paved with sweetness had other things in store for me—one of which was to lead me to a career in holistic healing, so I could finally face up to my own health issues.
For most of my adult life, my weight has fluctuated up or down 10-20 pounds. I quickly discovered that a few pounds in either direction determined whether my clothes fit. Hence, over the years,
I tried a whole host of diets and learned that most of them work, provided that I committed
to staying on them for the rest of my life. And while I now enjoy exercising, for most of my life
I worked out because I hated parts of myself and my body. I only began to stop that cycle
when I discovered the trigger words that were lying at the bottom of my damaged spirit.
I share those words with you in the book, Getting To The Heart Of The Platter.
Throughout my life, I’ve come to realize that I am a work in progress and parts of me
are coming alive after being dormant for so many years. Now at the half-century mark,
I am not on a diet and I prefer to move my body through dancing, hiking, or kayaking…any activity
that is not forced, allows me to go at my own pace, or be out in nature. Currently, I have stabilized
at the lowest, healthiest weight I’ve ever known in over 30 years.
I have lived every chapter of the book. And since life operates on its own terms,
I ended up reliving them as I wrote.
Getting To The Heart Of The Platter was birthed from the work that I do with clients
who are in physical and emotional pain, since excess weight is a manifestation
of the emotional burdens we all carry. I hope my work can help anyone
who struggles with their weight to heal their body and soul.
~Cynthia Magg, author Getting To The Heart Of The Platter
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